ON UNDERSTANDING AT LAST.
Reflections on my conversion in October 1950. January 1997

I came Lord and asked.
I knocked at your door, though
I did not want to hear your call
And did not want to give my all.
I thought “It is too hard.
What is this love?” I thought
“Can it be caught
Or must it be learned?”
Often I turned from your voice
But you gave me a choice.
Yet I waited. I longed to know.
Yet I waited. I longed to hear.
Yet I waited. I longed to see,
Yet my eyes were closed.
You stretched out your hand
Yet still I hesitated.
It was you I wanted.
I tried to know your truth
But could see only part.
And then one day, silent
I stood in a street and suddenly
Being open – I saw
The simplicity yet awful
Complexity of you and nearly fell
In wonder at the gift you offered me.
I reached out my heart, open and joyful,
And you filled it with your gift
Of grace and now
I could see, now
I could hear, now
I could speak of this miracle
Of life you gave to me.
I came Lord and asked.
I knocked at your door and I
Let it open. I let you in
To fill my very being with
Life in its fullness.
And I became at last
Your prisoner – no wish
To be free, no desire
Which was not yours.
Home was my heart.

For more information on these poems, contact edmund@balnaves.org