ON A DARK FOUR DAYS, 24 April 1999

I have too many days when I would wish
To fly, be gone, to see a play,
To hear a symphony, to feel the sand
Between my toes and laugh at
Sunset on the sea, to go unthinking
In the night, no pain and sadness
Deep within me; to laugh and long
For distant places. Outside is dark,
Just like my mind. No star to shine
And lift this inward longing
For new events. I do not want
To hide my grief. I do not want
To yearn for comfort but to feel
It, warm arms to hug, one kiss
Would ease my longing, but
Love as such is gone, long gone.
Not the way I believed it would
Be so many moons ago.
Affection? No. But duty, yes,
Commitment, yes. And care.
But I want more than that,
To fling my arms above,
Run with hands entwined, to
Places yet unknown. If
Death comes tonight it will welcome be.

For more information on these poems, contact edmund@balnaves.org