MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY AS MICHELE ASKED, July 1998

When I was very young I thought
That I would have ten children.
Ah! When I was young!
Then I grew up and never thought
Of marriage nor of family
But dreamt of many things,
Of poets, other worlds and foreign places
And even dreamt of travelling through time and space.
Til one day, starting a new life of work
And some responsibility, I tried
Newness again in entering a life
Of scholarship, reading
In academia what I loved the most,
The works of ancient and new writers
Of verse, and thought and language
Opening new horizons of learning
I had not touched before.
And early in this field of exploration
I met perchance the man
Who changed my life
And led me into further
Uncharted waters of strange,
Untested feelings and emotions.
Love came surprising and dwelt
In us – stars shone around us, and our kiss
Was sweeter far than any
Fruit. And here then came marriage.
“It would not work,” they said.
“You are too young. You have
Not tried the world around you.”
“He’s Catholic,” they said, and oh!
How that sounded such a condemnation.
Yet here we are near half a century on
Still loving and with joy in each other.
Much laughter we have shared,
Trials and changes and unknown futures.
I too joined that “awful” realm
Of Catholicism, of which I had
Been really so afraid – but it
Became my life in God, so
Joyfully given and fully knowing
All that it involved.
Then why did we sail ten thousand miles away
Far from our land of birth?
Adventure? Yes, new and exciting,
Yet fearful of that very newness
Of this strange and distant land.
We had then two sons – a family
By now, and full again of sweetness
In new life in all its glory, giving
Thanks for each new birth.
Our sons – so welcomed four
And so loved through all the years
Of growing,
Leading on to men, each one
An individual, each one with
All his varied talents making
A life peculiar to himself.
Then, all my coming years
In Catholic Women’s League, giving me
New confidence in my own ability
To speak, to write, to lead, to
Argue with top people in this land –
Men and women who though
Disagreeing, came to respect what
I stood for and the League I represented.
And in that time I found myself flung
Into the world of teaching – RE they
Called it, but for me it was the love of God
Which I was privileged to share in all
Its many facets. And in this came
My closeness to young people who
I knew would die before their youth
Could fully bloom –disabled they –
But revelling in each movement they
Could make, as if they had conquered
Everest. They taught me rather than I them.
They asked me about death and God
And life everlasting and I prayed, oh!
How I did! to the Holy Spirit, to give me
The right words of assurance that they
Would reach a heaven where all their
Ailments would disappear and they would
Walk, talk, as never on earth.
All the while I made so many friends
Who came to be my family too.
Daughters-in-law came and grandchildren,
Blessings all to enrich my life already
Full of so much which made me
Grow in every sense to fullness.
Then as the boys had grown and I
Had held top standing in this
Diocese of ours, so far reaching,
Diverse, city and towns, village
And farms – new friends and travel.
And so came WUCWO (how we used
To laugh at that acronym) and I
Was asked to nominate as Board Member.
My underlying lack of belief in my ability
Rose to the fore, but it was a challenge
Accepted, and it opened up vast new vistas.
As I travelled overseas and met women
From so many different counties and circumstances.
And I learnt and grew even more in understanding
Of the wonder of the world and tried to
Help in setting up ways of making women’s lives
More bearable, more fulfilled. Clean water
And accessible by 2000 was the cry from Africa
And I promoted this all I could (it has not
Come still and will not even by the
Millenium). And in this time I had the joy
Of being able to stay with my English family –
An unexpected bonus of this travelling.
Then came the time I had to choose to
Continue this most interesting work or
Lose my hearing altogether. How hard
That was. It brought back all the memories
Of when I first became stone deaf in one ear
After the mumps when I was twenty three.
That changed my life, my singing, BUT
I learned to adapt and give thanks for
My good ear. I had chaired a meeing
Of five hundred women and not let thsat
Disability stop me. But I could not face
The absolute loss of communication,
Listening to music, arguing and listening
To people who only need to talk to ease a burden.
And so life changed again and new
Challenges came. A Synod was declared
And leading up to it I was asked to write
An issues paper on euthanasia. Me?
But yet I did it and was chosen to lead
A committee on the Church and the modern world.
This involved much work in collating,
Writing and reading many letters of the
Church on justice and other weighty issues.
Then the Synod itself, a marvellous
Experience of the working of the Church.
There followed a Social justice Commission
And I was asked to chair it.
Me again, I asked myself, why me? But
It was a further challenge, with
Priests and nuns and qualified people (as I was not)
To lead and guide on stark and often
Contentious issues. Five years I did this,
During which at the beginning I was
National President of Catholic Women’s League Australia.
And travel round the country by rail brought
New insights of the vastness, beauty and difficulties
Of this lovely land we had adopted.
In all those years I wrote many submissions
To government and challenged members of
Parliament face to face. I was asked to write
Journal articles and other papers. Suddenly
I realised, what first I wanted to do when
Leaving school was to write – novels
I thought, but found nothing I really wanted to say.
Yet here I was, over many years, writing
On many social issues so dear to my heart.
A different sort of writing, but for me
Rewarding and fulfilling and making
Perhaps some small impact for change
In a world reeling from too much change
Of a kind which has demeaned God’s people.
What has mattered most in this fullest of full
Lives? Intermingled with everything I have done
Has been my John and all my family, my
Dear and closest friends also. Without
John I could not have done one thing, for
Always I was buoyed by his belief in me
And my ability – not just a loving support,
Though that has been there, strong and powerful,
But practical in so many ways – learning to cook
And take over so many “housewifely” duties
When I could not do them. And all my boys,
How dearly they have loved me and believed
In me. This family has been the thread
Through all my years so blessed by God –
The most important part – for through them
I have learnt to love and listen and, always, to
Grow. But over all of them has been my love of God
Who has asked of me so much but who
Has given me so much more than he has asked.
John brought me to this church of mine,
Now undergoing such turmoil and division,
So much selfishness and wanting
To “do it my way.” Now cancer
Has brought yet more pain, of which
I have had my share, but also
Brought me even closer to myLord
And made me front up to my own mortality.
And with my John I can face that
And look forward to a time when, I pray,
I may meet my maker, humbly,
Sinfully but gladly for a life
In which the privilege has been mine
To make whatever small and insignificant
Impact I could in all my blessed years. JEB

For more information on these poems, contact edmund@balnaves.org